Well, where do I start? You see, I have had quite a time of it lately and I have come to understand what grief really means to me. I say “to me”, because we all have different experiences of it.
My lovely Mum died suddenly in 2013, followed by her sister in 2015, my father in law in 2015, and then my Dad and my mother in law within a week of each other in 2016. I became used to organising funerals and writing eulogies, sorting out probate and selling houses.
Being so busy was the easy bit. Being busy is good, right? It makes you feel useful at a time when you are actually falling apart. Well, sorting through the houses and my family’s memories was not easy, but at least I could find things to hang on to.
In a way, I realise I am lucky. My parents and my in laws all passed away when they were old. Sadly, many lose their family members way too soon.
Grief is the sadness of knowing that you will never see someone again. You feel like part of you has gone. Life is never the same again.
You search for meaning in their deaths and for connection. Where have they gone? Is there a heaven? Are they really still with me? Or are they just gone…
Well, they are gone from physical reality and the longing to see them, hug them and speak to them one last time is overwhelming. You want to say all the things you feel you haven’t said and should have. You miss all the routine things you did together – like calling them and just chatting about your day. Not being able to share with all of them how well our boys are doing.
For me, not being able to talk to my Mum in particular is still hard. The fact she always knew if I wasn’t myself before I did. If I need her advice, I now sometimes have to think to myself, “what would she say?”
Some days the grief has been overwhelming – as if someone had pulled out my heart. Other days, it hasn’t been so bad.
As time goes on, it does get easier. You learn to live with it. You never get over it, but you start to accept that they are no longer here. The chairs they once sat in are empty and the homes they once lived in just become houses.
But then you start to remember them and the happy times you shared. You slowly allow them back into your heart and soul, but as a different energy. You can sense them around you, they send signs that they are near, you hear them, smell them, feel them and meet them in dreams.
Then you start to understand that they are no longer in physical reality – they have left their earthly bodies and have gone home. Their essence, soul or spirit lives on. They are truly free and if you take time to watch for signs, if you take time to sit still and ask to hear from them, you will!
It’s not the same as a cup of tea and a hug, bit it’s pretty special to know that they do live on, albeit in a different form. They are still there when you need them and will continue to guide you. So next time you want to talk to them, do so – because they are listening and just maybe you will hear from them.
If you would like to move forward or reconnect with yourself, contact me to book and appointment for a psychic healing.